Looking for Divine Intervention

After all my antics, I have a growing sense of disgust in regards to my lifestyle choices. I need to make a serious turnaround. I am becoming increasingly desperate in my search for Con, and am running out of places to turn. The other day some JWs came to my door. I chased them away, but it got me thinking about God. It makes a lot of sense – maybe Con leaving me is God punishing me for my sinful ways. My situation is not that different from Noah’s or Sodom and Gomorrah – the question is whether I will follow like the disciples or require a talking donkey to change my ways (Numbers 22).

Well, I said the required words, now I only need to wait for God’s deliverance. Hopefully He gets back to me soon, who knows how long I’ll hold out.

Gracefully yours,
Grunt

Ripped & Roaring to Recovery

After getting my ass whooped, I needed to recover, take some time to re-think my ways. So I got wasted. Like seriously, I was totally blasted. So, it’s like 3am, and I’m crapulously cockeyed, and starving. Where was Bo when I needed him? I stumbled towards home, my vision impaired due to being loaded. Suddenly, I saw a bright, yellowish light in front of me -- it was the heavenly glow of Family Pizza. And suddenly it hit me: Conor used to work here! Overwhelmed by the coincidence, I staggered through the doors and demanded to know Conor’s whereabouts. Before receiving an answer, that twelfth car bomb hit me, and I fell over onto a pile of pizza boxes, unconscious.
The Family Pizza staff were very understanding. They propped me up, and when I came-to, gave me free pizza, and let me hitch a ride home with the next delivery.

Sleeping off the swack,
Grunt